A sense of depression...

So I have a year and three months sober, when I first got sober I was quite angry at almost everything, the person driving in front of me, the lady on line taking too long, my parents for not calling me on time. Everything. Well that subsided, since then I have gotten over the anger (not 100% trust me), I can tell it's stablized. To tell you a litle about myself I am ambitious, I work hard every single day. Lately I have not been able to shake this funk that I am not where I am suppose to be, I am about to turn 32 years old and have accomplished very little. I have gotten a good job but feel like I am working on selling someone else's product, I have experienced working on my own product and I really like it, I am an Entrepreneur at heart but this entails working almost 12 hour days. It gets in the way of meetings which takes some time to drive to. I think about all of the time I spent drinking and wasted in a bottle and I get mad that I am this old and do not have a successful company of my own, I see and hear of friends that are doing quite well and I get envious and throw myself into a hole of depression. This in turn makes me want to isolate and I have to crawl my way out of the funk. So here I am, I'm waking up each day no longer hung over but feeling like I am not where I should be. Anyway, it's nice to get it out, any comments are welcome.

This is the first day of the end

I have so much running through my brain that I am feeling the overflow big time! These past few days have been just a jumble of brain farts that I forgot what day it was this morning. LOL!! I don’t know what to say or what to do….I don’t know what the real problem could be, for the most part, my life is sailing along smoothly at this moment. I have a mountain of chaos going on around me and I have one issue that has been plaguing me for awhile now but I don’t feel as though it is hindering me. I am just going to start today by writing what I can when the “feelings” start to arise…so this will be a multiple part blog entry I have a lot of feelings going on but too much stuff going on to stop and feel them. Now I know that I should not be burying them but I have been busy for the most part enjoying my time with my son before I find a “real job” and he starts preschool. So I have been pushing blogging, networking and life coaching to the back burner…I can not and will not do that anymore…I was having thoughts that what I was doing was keeping me in a cynical frame of mind or maybe holding me in my addiction…I was feeling as though I had nothing worthwhile to say….I was feeling negative…I was not feeling inspired Small wonders have been happening to me…basically certain events have thrown me a ladder and I am crawling out of this hole I have been hiding in…look out world, I have been sleeping and I have a lot of stuff to get off my chest before it consumes me and I fall down again. TO BE CONTINUED……………………………. Check back later for another entry after I go and play mom for a bit…what is it that those showbiz folk say, “The show or life must go on!” Staying positive…Staying strong….Staying in touch with my feelings….that is all I can do at this point

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